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For the Flowers You Gave Me (demos)

by Benjamin Isaac

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1.
I don’t know how to talk to anyone anymore But I’ve got so much that I need to say I’m so tired of being your secret lover You lied to me when you said true love has to hurt I’d build you a house, but you don’t want us to be seen I’d build you a ship, but I’m afraid to leave My aching hands are weaker than the frost That covers the ground today You've been spoiled by unconditional love In your life before this life you must've done some good
2.
She told me about your wild green eyes And the way that you dance with no one She told me of living her little life Like a camera on auto-exposure She said she felt fine in the bitterest dark When your light was on some motion sensor But someone is still with you now and your light's on Bright and that’s making her tender I try to find some wisdom in me Because I’m not the boy of her dreams “Losing a woman like you can make a man And that’s just what some boys need” The staler the bread the sweeter the wine Not only in holy communion The wilder the fire the softer the ash The crueller her memory’s illusion You thought maybe you weren't enough But you could save me with half of that love I've got no right though, to say how you spend it I've got no pride so no need to defend it I simply love you my sweetest friend Too close to desire you so far from the end
3.
Love Song #4 02:34
Too precious to wake you I hope that you’re dreaming That time’s moving slowly That your mind has freed you From your perfect body As still as an ocean Caught by a painting Great waves never breaking There on your skin Above the pale blue Raising and falling Like me over you There’s an archway Sometimes I sleep With my head on your shoulder I wake after you And you’ve grown much older I reach to your lips You kiss my hands The hands that once lifted The ground that I gifted To you for your flowers And the soles of your feet Now I lay beneath you And breathe what you speak I’m your man I’m your man I’m your man I’m a man
4.
Two Voices 02:39
Burning incense in the kitchen Drinking coffee on the roof Picking grapes in the basement Drawing windows in your room The plasterboard’s just paper And time is seeping into it The curtains hang like poets The kind that crumble when you speak of it The floorboards have all been burned Say for those beneath the stove Carelessness will run so far But never leaves the road There have only ever been two voices One like picking cherries in the dark Shivering in the shower Or boiling kettles for the bath As shallow as it is The water makes you laugh When you’re singing to your daughter From the only book you own Written out in Mexico In a language you don’t know Still the ending makes you cry For the pages are more worn You turn the names back into ghosts When you sing them into stone There have only ever been two voices One like picking cherries in the dark Stars fall through the roof And shatter on the floor Diluting shards of glass The night they broke the door Thin and white and hungry With just the taste of vapour wax You whisper to the night And the staircase whispers back “There’s someone on my shoulders His boots are hard but kind He thinks that he’s a monster But I think you’ll change his mind” There have only ever been to voices One like picking cherries in the dark
5.
Only a Muse 03:38
“A woman is only a muse” You say that’s what the gods told you So you fill up the bathroom with steam As you set all your poetry free And the water, as proof it’s unclean Turns ink black and burns your white skin You’d rather be loved than be free That’s what the gods told me A bedroom is no place to cry Together we lay, and we lie We drink up our coffee or wine It’s ink or it’s blood and that’s fine It’s ink or it’s blood and that’s fine When you love me you say you feel weak But somehow you're scared you'll hurt me You believe you're in love with the dark When you're searching for some kind of spark And you think you're in love when it's cold I'd tell you it's fake but I'm sold Winter will never grow old
6.
There's a world outside this musicbox my darling, So stretch your legs my love and take a bow. As careful with an heirloom as they ought to be, They're gonna sell your fears and flog your doubts. By the station in the city there's an orchard, Where they've given up on watering the trees; Their industry is drinking all the water But envy washes green across the leaves. So when the fruit is sweet and falls from some old fountain pen You should find yourself a train to board. You're the only ballerina with her heart upon an altar, So walk with your new knowledge to the mountain of the lord. I won't tell a soul, I won't tell a soul, I won't tell a soul the things you know.
7.
Love Song #3 01:37
Your voice formed a hairline fracture Under the weight of a cigarette And that let in a little darkness A darkness I can't forget It's the water you carry around For the flowers I'll lay on your grave You keep a little silence Inside each note you play And just the same, within each kiss You hide a touch of disdain You wish that I could love you Without knowing of your pain And no matter how many times I promise Your flaws to me are flaws You're afraid that you're my fetish That all your scars just turn me on And that one day you'll be better And that which I loved will be gone Well I hate the way you hate yourself And I hate the way you cry I wish that I could love you Without knowing of this pain Trauma has no bearing On the woman you've become You are not shaped by malice You are not you because of them I know you got afraid Too afraid to go outside And I know you changed your name And I know you changed your eyes But no one really talks to you Through the glass you stand behind You built your crystal palace And you brought us all inside But everything is fractured Your lips, your heart, your eyes Is it unfair to stay Just to see if you're alright?
8.
Sentimental 01:49
I’m tired of being sentimental; I just want to see tomorrow. I’m tired of all of these black and white pictures; Got a monochrome lover with a head full of colour. I put her in a song and I Always sing it wrong, I lie, She didn’t run away, although She left me when she had to go She stayed around for days on end – She broke my heart and we made a mend. But if she heard the way I sang She wouldn’t be so kind again.
9.
She's got a whole lot of love and a warm embrace If you ever need to change a man She’s got forever in some secret place If you ever need to hide someone And if there’s not enough books to read She knows a place where they’re burning some She filled me up with music And she burned all my desire Now I’m warm and feeling hungry Cooking leftovers by the fire
10.
(interlude) 00:37
Instrumental
11.
Love Song #5 03:31
I’ve got this sinking feeling You’re not ready yet I seem to love much more than you But I seem to cry much less And yes your open wounds Are easy to forget The grazes on your knees The childish hands that bleed It seems too long ago to know It was our love that made you grow Into the person that you are Into the ivy on the arch Under the viaduct of him You’re holding up the sleepers I’m just holding up the train The water seems much deeper than my pain The echoes seem much louder than my name Our mornings seem much longer than my days The trouble is with us We’re really just the same And you tell me that you love me But you say you have to change Should I change? Should I change for you? I cry when I'm at work And I sing when I get home You're stuck inside my head So I climb up there alone With this tiny cup of coffee And a letter I can't send It's to you when you're thirty-five I hope I know you then The trouble is with us We’re really just the same And you tell me that you love me But you say you have to change Should I change? Should I change for you?
12.
Collecting thoughts and hot water in the shower, with my mouth; Romantic notions I’ve tried to spit out. But they make my lips soft and they sooth my sore throat, They make my mouth clean the way my dreams don’t. I like driving slowly when you’re in the car, I’d love to run away with you, but we wouldn’t get far. I like kissing slowly, but we never have the time To make love how we want to, so you end up crying. It’s always hope and un-hope, wind and un-wind. There’s no use reminding ourselves to be kind, We both kiss too quickly, but never get hurt, So I tell you stories about other girls. January’s heavier than the rest of the year; I heard it takes two to make doves disappear, One to watch too closely, and the other to lie, But January’s heavy and I can’t life July. I am a man now, but I want you to know I’m scared of the actors when I’m not in the show; I’m scared of your strength, but more scared of your weakness, I’m scared of solitude, but more scared of people. I’m scared of solitude, but more scared of people. I’m scared of solitude, but more scared of people.
13.
Michael's painting seascapes for a living Because everybody seems to like his blues. Busy drinking red wine from the bottle, I’d hide my pride for days in the morning dew. I hope one day you’ll see his charcoal drawings, Before his swirling prophecies comes true. A mixtape with the pixies playing nothing you can’t play. The sky turns white like the white in your eyes, So widen your eyes and I’ll widen my eyes, We need somewhere to muse.

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released January 12, 2023

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Benjamin Isaac England, UK

I make films and write songs in a little village by the sea.

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